Four years ago, I answered another dreaded call from daycare. It’s never good when daycare calls. That mixed feeling of dread and panic is all too real. But I knew what it would be about though. Bitey Ben. My once gentle, bookish toddler had bitten another kid.
Colleen, our lovely centre manager, was very nice about it. It’s very common for this age, she reassured me. Generally, he’s such a sweet boy.
But because my son was a repeat offender, they were losing patience, and the other parents were losing patience, too. I couldn’t blame them.
It’s Very Hard to Find Good Information on Biting in Toddlers
Tell them no. That’s the summary of how to stop biting in toddlers. That and don’t give them nicknames like ‘Bitey’ – whoops!
We’d tried everything. Stern words. Incentives. Punishments. Social stories. Lessons in empathy (so effective on a two-year-old). We ruled out possible causes. As an only child, he was lavished with attention. He wasn’t teething. He wasn’t angry or anxious and had no big feelings when the biting occurred. It seemed as though this was just part of the play for him. But as a toddler, he couldn’t explain why he bit his friends.
Things were getting desperate, and like so many parenting problems, I had zero solutions. I read everything I could. We tried everything suggested. It seemed there was only one conclusion left: We were raising a werewolf.
It’s Awful Being the Mum of a Biter
Ben loved his day at childcare. He loved his room leader. Despite being a little shy, he made friends. He had no siblings, so social interaction was very important. His verbal skills improved in leaps and bounds. He was thriving there. And also, biting his friends.
As his mum, I dreaded having a child who other parents perceived as the bully kid. I knew he wasn’t. I knew he was generally an inquisitive, bright child without much of a temper. He wasn’t prone to tantrums or outbursts which are common during the terrible twos. And yet, I feared all the parents, especially the parents of bitten children, perceived him as a ‘bad egg.’ It was heartbreaking to see my baby so misunderstood.
The Park Playdate
My friend is an occupational therapist specialising in providing therapy to children with autism. My son had shown no signs of neurodiversity, but as she watched the kids play and listened to my woes, she suggested I take him to sensory classes. For biting? Really? It seemed a bit random. She explained that biting can be a sign of high sensory feedback needs in toddlers. Having ruled out all the other potential reasons for the biting, she considered it far more likely that he had high sensory needs as opposed to werewolf genes. It was worth a shot.
The Sensory Classes
We headed into our first toddler sensory class – a room filled with bright, colourful opportunities to move, tumble, sing and dance. Children swirling ribbons, thumping things, generally making the noise and mess that no parent really wants at home. My child unleashed. He threw himself on bouncy things. Snuggled up to squishy things. He jumped. Climbed. Ran. Made noise. Chased bubbles. Generally, used all his senses to wear himself right out. Oh, the peaceful two-hour nap after that class… worth it for that alone!
Fast forward to the following week at daycare, and the dreaded phone call came through. I braced myself for the latest incident with Bitey Ben. Instead, Colleen told me that Ben was displaying different behaviours. He was using new toys. He was focused on the tumble – without the rough. She wanted to know what had changed because Sweet Baby Ben was back.
No More Biting
In the following months, we attended the toddler sensory classes, Kindergym, inflatable play centres and all the places where sensory feedback rules. He has never bitten another child. That phase stopped as abruptly as it started once he found better ways to get the sensory feedback he needed.
Now he’s a bit older, we see him constantly exploring the world for new sensory opportunities. He’s simply sensory-driven. He likes baking. He can do some incredible (and often scary!) things on a trampoline. He excels at art and science. He loves his chemistry set.
And while I am relieved that he is not a werewolf, I do fear he may grow up to be a mad scientist. But I’m not sure there’s a sensory class for that…
