Are we accidentally raising entitled children?
Am I?
Are you?
If you’re like me, there are days when you will wonder if the things you are doing to make your kids’ lives the best they can possibly be is actually backfiring and you are raising spoilt and entitled little <insert swear word, I cannot write on a Families blog!>
I’m not going to lie, I have worked my socks off to make my kid’s childhood better than mine. When I was growing up, I was excited when my dad announced we would go camping in northern NSW…. my son just asked me ‘isn’t it about time we went back to Italy?!’ And that is because I took him on a ’round the world’ trip back-packing in 2019.
I am trying to raise a kind, resilient, empathetic kid, but sometimes I wonder if what us parents are doing is the opposite of what we should be doing… so I did some research.
There are three types of entitlement children can develop, and understanding them can help us better recognise the signs in our own families.
1. Normal entitlement
This shows up as part of typical development — especially in toddlers and teenagers — where self-focus is expected. It often passes with time, maturity, and guidance.
2. Inflated entitlement
This is when a child believes they deserve special treatment no matter how they behave. They might expect rewards without effort, or assume rules don’t apply to them.
3. Compromised entitlement
Sometimes overlooked, this type can emerge when a child feels they aren’t worthy of anything. Low self-worth and over-correction can lead to this form of entitlement. None of this means we’re failing. It simply means we might be helping too much, protecting too much, or rewarding too often — all with the best intentions.
Here’s how these habits can sneak into our parenting, and how we could shift them.
Do you let them avoid challenges?
When something gets hard — a difficult maths problem, a sport they’re not instantly good at, or a disagreement with a friend — you might let them quit or step in to fix it.
Instead do this:
Encourage your child to lean into the struggle. Let them know that it’s okay to fail, to feel frustrated, and to try again. Model resilience by sharing your own challenges and how you work through them. We wrote about developing grit here.
💡 This builds grit, and helps them learn that they’re capable of navigating discomfort.
Do you make excuses for their behaviour?
“She’s just tired.” “He didn’t mean it.” It’s tempting to explain away a rude comment or bad attitude, especially in public.
Instead do this:
Support them by naming the behaviour and calmly reinforcing your family values. Talk privately later, and help them reflect.
💡 This teaches accountability and shows them their actions have impact — without shame.
Do you reward every action with things?
“Clean your room and I’ll buy you something.” When rewards are constant, expected behaviour can start to feel like a transaction.
Instead do this:
Save rewards for true effort or progress, and focus on intrinsic motivation. Celebrate with words: “I noticed how you helped your brother just now — that was really thoughtful.” We wrote about giving cash rewards for sporting and academic achievements here.
💡 This nurtures internal pride and decreases the expectation of a ‘what’s in it for me?’ mentality.
Do you try to be their friend, not their parent?
Wanting to be liked is natural. It’s easier to say yes, to avoid conflict, and to keep things “fun.”
Instead do this:
Prioritise respect over popularity. Children thrive when they have consistent boundaries, even if they don’t love them in the moment.
💡 You can be warm, kind, and still be the parent. That’s where safety and growth begin.
Do you do everything for them?
From making their bed to packing their lunch, it can feel quicker (and calmer) to just take care of it all.
Instead do this:
Give them age-appropriate responsibilities and teach them the skills to succeed. Start small and build confidence.
💡 This fosters independence and helps children feel capable and trusted.
Do you avoid giving them chores because they’re “too busy”?
Between school, sport, and homework, you might decide they’ve got enough on their plate.
Instead do this:
Let them contribute in ways that suit your family. It could be cooking one night a week, feeding the pet, or helping with washing.
💡 Chores build empathy, time management, and a sense of shared responsibility.
Suggestions by age include:
- 2 to 3-year-olds can put toys and groceries away and dress themselves with help.
- 4 to 5-year-olds can help feed pets, make their beds (maybe not perfectly), and help clear the table after dinner.
- 6 to 7-year-olds can wipe tables and counters, put laundry away, and sweep floors.
- 7 to 9-year-olds can load and unload the dishwasher, help with meal preparation, and pack their own lunch for school.
- 10 to 11-year-olds can change their sheets, clean the kitchen or bathrooms, and do yard work.
- Those 12 and above can wash the car and help out with younger siblings. Teens can help with grocery shopping and running errands.
Do you say yes to avoid meltdowns
It’s been a long day. You’re tired. They’re tired. Saying yes seems like the quickest road to peace.
Instead do this:
Hold the boundary with compassion. “I know you really want that, and it’s hard to hear no.” You can still say no with kindness and connection.
💡 This shows children that disappointment is part of life — and that they can survive it.
Do you let them speak rudely without addressing it?
When kids are snappy or disrespectful, it can feel easier to let it slide than to start a confrontation.
Instead do this:
Remind them (gently but firmly) that words matter. Model respectful language yourself, especially when you’re upset.
💡 Kids watch how we speak — to them, to partners, to waitstaff. Show them how kindness sounds.
Do you skip conversations about money and responsibility?
Money can be complicated, and talking about it might feel awkward — or you might think they’re too young to understand.
Instead do this:
Start small. Talk about saving, giving, and spending. Let them earn and manage a little of their own money. Read our article about age appropriate money lessons.
💡 This gives them a sense of value, teaches patience, and helps prevent unrealistic expectations.
Do you focus only on their world?
Between school, friends, and hobbies, it’s easy for kids to live in a bubble where their own life is the centre of everything.
Instead do this:
Broaden their world. Volunteer together, talk about other people’s experiences, and expose them to new cultures or ideas.
💡 Empathy starts when we help our kids step outside themselves and consider how others feel.
Have I raised an entitled kid?
Most entitlement doesn’t start with a spoiled child — it starts with a loving parent trying to do what feels right. So, have I raised an entitled child? I don’t know yet, I guess. Some days I DO wonder if he appreciates the life we have created.
What I do know is that when we consistently smooth the road instead of preparing our children for the road, we risk raising kids who struggle when things get tough, unfair, or unfiltered.
Small shifts in how we speak, act, and model behaviour can make a big difference. And the good news? It’s never too late to change course.
